WARNING: This is a true story. But the character names and identities have been protected to protect their ego image. Any similarities to you might be trueis strictly coincidental.
My Friend Eki (not his real name) is the quintessential story teller. From nights out in the bar to picking up multiple chicks on the streets of Gotham city (obvious fictional city). But it was not always like that…
There was a time where Eki did not know how to talk to chicks. But all that changed on a typical night out in Gotham city. Eki with his wing-man RobinObed (not his real name either), where moving from bar to bar, drinking, dancing and picking trying to pick up chicks. It seemed like a normal chickless night until he and his wing-man ran into … in their words … the most beautiful girl in the world.
The sort of girl that was beautiful, that you swear you can see a glow of light emanating around her. And you can hear Prince’s “The Most Beautiful In The World” playing somewhere in the background. The sort of chick like the one you see in the movies that causes confident guys to become stuttering babies. The sort of chick that leaves you in a trance…the one that causes accidents with out even knowing. The sort of chick whose skin is as flawless as <the analogical word has not even been invented yet>. That chick. You know the type that I am talking about. Smells like fresh flowers and is dang sesi but cute at the same time. The perfect chick.
Eki was obviously in a trance, who won’t be abi you want me to repeat the paragraph above again?
The sort of girl that was beautiful, that you swear you can see a glow of light emanating around her. And you can hear Prince’s “The Most Beautiful In The World” playing somewhere in the background. The sort of chick like the one you see in the movies that causes confident guys to become stuttering babies. The sort of chick that leaves you in a trance…the one that causes accidents with out even knowing. The sort of chick whose skin is as flawless as <the analogical word has not even been invented yet>. That chick. You know the type that I am talking about. Smells like fresh flowers and is dang sesi but cute at the same time. The perfect chick.
So Eki was in a trance…he was nervous. He clearly wanted to talk to most-beautiful-girl but in the words that mostly Nigerians will understand: e no get Liver. Actually the truth was that he had never hollered at a girl before so it was easy to understand his nervousness. But his friend Obed was confused he had never seen a guy dulling like that. “Why are you scared” Obed said “she no dey shit the same shit as you?”
If this was a movie, it would have become a classic line…the pivotal scene. That coming of age moment…the Karate Kid one legged kick moment. Cause the words were truly profound. You see the truth is that no matter how beautiful a person is, at the end of the day they still shit the same shit as you.
No matter how smart, how intelligent, how fast….we all go to the toilet and poop. And 95% of the time our poop smells like perfume. But sadly people get caught up in this messiahistic[sic] aura of people, they are afraid of their managers, of their parents, of their boyfriends, of their pastors. Because we feel they have this special thing about them, “I cannot live without him,” “I cannot write like him,” “I cannot challenge them.” But if you just picture them shitting as funny as it is, it would help balance things out in your mind. Because you see at the end of the day, my brother…whoops Eki hollered in his own words at the first chick he had ever hollered at simple because he realized that she shat like him. And the rest as they say is history.
So the next time you feel too nervous to holler at a babe, too afraid to question that manager or too petrified to speak to that large crowd, just picture them shitting. Cause we all shit the same SHIT!
Okechukw Ofili used to blog about life, success and entrepreneurial excellence, but today he blogs about shit. Follow him on twitter, Facebook or subscribe to his blog for more honest talk and as @ofilispeaks on instagram for 
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